I am sitting here at about 11:30 p.m., saying to myself… I don’t have anything for my BLOG this week. So I just sat quietly and whispered, Lord give me something this week and he said, COMMUNICATION. Give tips from your own personal experiences on communication and it’s importance in any relationship but especially marriage. So, to all my engaged followers…this one is especially for you!
I’ve been married for 14 years and WE just learned the proper, effective, wise and kind way to communicate. Ha!!! We finally GOT IT! IT took us close to 14 years to finally understand how to communicate correctly for US! Now, don’t miss that! Each couple has their own style of communication and you have to know what works for you! I would like to share with our top 5 successful ways of communication.
1.Pray for timing:
Lord show me when the time is right! Timing is everything! Every time I need to discuss something with Stephen and I know it may be a sensitive subject, I ask God to reveal to me the right time, allow Stephen’s heart to be receptive and my delivery to be filled with love and respect. And I can happily say, my prayers have yet to be unanswered, my delivery to be disrespectful and his heart has always been ready.
2.Plan Communication Session:
We really had this one wrong!!! For years, we went off the cuff! Yelled when we felt like, jumped on a subject without all the facts. Just living off emotions. It wasn’t until about a little over a year, we realized the with our busy lives and all the chaos around us, it’s best when we plan to have serious discussions. I have a process, I share with women and that process is, somethings you just have to sit on…don’t talk about it RIGHT NOW…sit on it until you are able to think clearly, when you aren’t emotional and upset and when your hurting heart will allow you to see what’s really real.
After God has given me the green light and there is a pressing issue that I would like to discuss, I asked Stephen can I have a few moments of his time later that day. In the past, he would automatically roll his eyes but since becoming wise by seeking God’s direction first and coming to him with a request of his time, I am never turned down. Planning continues to give us that time we need to prepare and pray. You have to mentally be prepared for certain discussions and when you aren’t allowed that opportunity, then the end result is usually what we see…..unresolved conflict, an angry husband and a bitter wife.
3.Hearing your partner:
What do you mean hearing your partner? I mean, when your husband or fiancé says, “ It’s hard talking to you freely because you dissect everything I say, and put words in my mouth”. If your response is, “ I don't put words in your mouth, you just don’t say what you really mean”…. then they are 100% correct. You can’t tell a person what they really mean, only they know what they really mean. Hear your partner! Literally,train yourself to listen, to truly listen- don’t respond and when the conversation is over, self-reflect. Ask yourself, do I really dissect his words? Who else has told me that I dissect their words? And you will soon say to yourself, they are right.
4. Recognize when the enemy has showed up:
Often times, in our attempt to communicate effectively the enemy shows up. And he shows up because your communicating to well, you’re making progress, you’re reconciling, you’re making decisions- so he has to distract you. And he distracts you by taking the conversation in a totally different direction. You came to the table to discuss carving out time for each other and the devil reminds you that he finds times to spend with his brother every Sunday evening, so now you’re conversation has gone from, we need to carve out time to YOU MAKE TIME FOR WHO YOU WANT… you don’t want to spend time with me…and of course he’s looking real confused. BUT someone has to recognize( I hope the Lord of the HOUSE) the devil’s snare and redirect! The devil is a thief, and he wants to steal a very important component of your relationship….communication. A house divided cannot stand!
5: Walk away happy!
If you follow the top 4, everytime you sit down to have a conversation you should almost walk away laughing Even if you agreed to disagree, ain’t nobody mad but the devil! I remember the first time, Stephen and I experienced having a discussion ( a pretty heated discussion…I was actually in tears) and ended it with a kiss. He said his last little statement, I stood up walked to him for a hug to reaffirm how much I loved him, and he intentionally pushed me back to give me a kiss. I was tickled pink, I couldn’t believe it. But we decided to allow God’s spirit to overrule our own personal agenda, and that is truly the key.
I just finished a book, titled Kingdom Marriage- Tony Evans and it states.., if you or your spouse are still mad about a disagreement, conversation or situation days later- you have not allowed God’s spirit to truly reign in your heart.
To my engaged followers, believers of Christ…the ONLY way you will survive this thing we call marriage is you have to align yourselves with GOD, read his word daily, allow him to truly reign in your heart and lay each other at his throne of GRACE daily, pray and cover each other. Marriage is a beautiful thing, God smiles on it! Don’t be discouraged by the nay-sayers! Trust God! Opps..I guess that makes #6…6 tips of communication.
~from your FAV event planner, Andrea… lover of Christ
this is my therapy, my journal that I am sharing with the world. these blogs, are non-related to clients. all blogs are derived from friendor’s request, follower’s request, information I’ve experience, been given or over- heard in passing.
Scriptural Reference: Matthew 12:25